(High Res @ Flickr.)
When it comes to Second Life and myself, there is a lot of random things that swirl and clash around in my brain. I like to make things and as of late I’ve had some great people pushing me to get back in to it and pushing me to go out of what I thought were my boundaries and make me realize I can always achieve more — because I learn quick and remember easily. This means that I become both excited and stressed at the same time — almost overwhelmingly so. It induces panic and when I can’t accomplish things I view as simple and easy while I can pick up on harder things quicker, I get frustrated. I start to avoid doing work and I spiral down in to doing nothing all over again, like I did before.
I enjoy making shapes but people don’t buy shapes much from smaller stores. The monopolies always pull in newer residents due to their higher amount of advertising and marketing, saturating the grid with people who look extremely similar because undoubtedly these larger mega-stores sell many shapes that are probably the same shape with minor tweaks, with different skins put on them for vendors and marketed as a different shape, name and all. And so, I make less of them. Even though my own inventory is inflated with dozens of skins I could definitely create a unique, from-scratch shape for. Oh well.
Another awkward market is piercings, which is one of the main things I enjoy doing — or did. There are some ridiculously self-entitled people out in Second Life. People who want to claim that a simple thing, like piercings, are their “creative right” and any one else who is even mildly as talented or more-so is intentionally copying and ripping them off. So wrapped in their own little world that it starts to crumble when competition arrives and the more I push myself the more I have to take a step back and question how many more of these people will I end up dealing with as I branch out in to other endeavors. Making eyes and tattoo layer make-up, then what? Learn to make rather decent sculpties and make fantasy clothing and role-play accessories? Who’s “royal” toes will start to cramp up only to go and complain just because they feel like they’re the only ones entitled to a certain market? I make a set of piercings and have to wonder who’s complaining again — you know who you are.
Still, none of this really matters. I make things and plan to keep doing it. Atleast, as long as I find it interesting. Making my own thing not only makes Second Life more fun but it’s made me spend a lot of time outside of my bubble. My bubble has always been my delusional one, where I keep hidden inside it and attempt to avoid adult situations — like serious conversation. Role play easily supports this bubble and well, I can’t RP while building. I’m put in to an actual real-time situation and when I build, there are other people around and it’s not in some fantasy world, it’s actually rather close to real-life.
When it comes to SL I try to avoid making choices. I think because it’s SL, it causes that issue itself. I have an almost sort of detachment from it, I think most people can kind of see that. What happens when you have to accept that no matter how well practiced you think you are on detachment, you think you’ve found yourself in a rather attached situation where you need to make choices. I am becoming totally disorganized at this point, aren’t I?
I love Role Play in Second Life and I love Gor. I wish Gor didn’t have its heavy “sex and abuse” stigma people seem to put on it but I know where it stems from. I love dressing up for Gor and I love trying to immerse myself in to the sims, but contrary to some peoples beliefs, it’s not that I am mean or rude or what-ever that causes role-play issues — it’s that none accept the uncommon or the unique. I walk in to a sim and I am expected to beg and plead and crawl on my knees — ask permission to walk pass and try to seduce every man that walks off the docks but that isn’t me. I’m the one that has no issue staring you down, speaking not a word and doing what ever she can to make sure she stays out of other peoples greedy hands, more-so attempting to scare people away than please them.
Second Life Gor is “perfect”. I mean this by, if you don’t act like all the perfect girls in the books, you are an idiot — or a princess — or a brat. The sad thing is, calling a girl a princess because she doesn’t do your every command or a brat is wrong. Men have it so easy in SL Gor, they don’t have to work for anything, not even the girls at their feet — the girls are already perfect, because they already “know everything” because it’s all cut and paste and if you try to act otherwise, you are just waved off or escorted out.
If I was put in the position of having to choose to still Role Play Gor or stop doing so, I have to question what I would do. Do I even technically role-play? I mean, I have and I have the background story made and the character built and the inventory and the desire to but when it comes down to it, most of the Gorean SL society won’t even deal with my character. If she is, it’s usually just because she’s cute and someone wants to attach their prim penis and do terribly bad sex emotes while screwing on terribly animated pose balls in a usually, terribly built sim. I don’t role-play for that and when I have to think about what attaches me to Gor at this point, I’d have to say the fantasy aspect — and the clothing.Does anything else? Not really. There are people, sure but what if there is something more worth it? Even if it burns bridges and hurts feelings.
Outside of Role Play in general though, what else would Second Life have? Sitting on platforms in the sky and building, wandering stores and questioning if you should buy something or if you could just make it yourself — and better. Is there more and I’m just ignorant to it, or possibly just been avoiding it? Or is it the sad realization that there isn’t much to do in SL at all, yet I still find myself logging in. Meh. I need a life. lol.
This long-winded and overly vague blog post is just me thinking with my fingers.